...ItGOesON::::::: Little Thoughts

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Cleaning up the notes I studied in the degree program. I don't need them anymore so I can just throw them in the bin. But when I looked at them, I thought about how I'd gone through them. It was quite a lot of hard work. I can't believe I've gone through the whole degree program. I still remember how much I struggled in my first two years. It was tough. I was put in a program that I wasn't really capable to cope. The worse is I used to be a top student in high school. I'd always thought I could be on the top when I give all myself to it. However the fact is, it is not the case when it comes to languages. So many times, I doubted myself and God. I cried and complained. I was just like a silly kid throwing tantrum before her father. And now I'm all over it. How unbelievable is that! It's all God's grace.

Looking back, I wouldn't have met Dean if I wasn't in that degree program. And I wouldn't be able to communicate with him if I didn't study in this program. Most of all, I wouldn't have known how "nothing" I am if I didn't meet the elite students in my class. I learned there's nothing I can boast about myself. I thank God for showing me who I really am. So I can see who I am in Jesus Christ.

I'm still learning to see myself from God's perspective. It's not easy. We all have learned who we are from what people told us. We tend to believe what we are told. When I was a kid, many relatives and friends told me my eyes are too small, my skin is too tanned, my figure is too "flat". To me, that means ugly. I don't remember for how long I believed I was an ugly girl. But I remember how hard I tried to look better at my teens. I put on nice expensive clothes; wore much make-up... I never knew my beauty until Jesus came to my life.

People set up thousands of standards for beauty - what looks good, and what doesn't. They set up a "model" of beauty, and most of us think it's alright and copy the model. But how come it's alright when so many people become sad and frustrated when they can't become like the model? Sometimes they dislike themselves just because they don't look like the model. Some people even go under the knife for being like the model they admire. Why do some people want to look like someone else when God made them so unique and special? Doesn't being unigue and special feel good?

I'm not sure what God thinks about the beauty standard or model the world has set up. But one thing I'm sure is that God makes no mediocre.